Nigerian God

The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.

If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.

These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.

(As shared by Arinze Martins Okoye)

Always be Happy

We always hear this phrase that "Life is a bitch"

But I believe its people that make a bitch out of life

Through clamor, backbiting, jealousy, greed and negative vices

Yet one way or the other we expect someone to be our source of happiness

Know this

At any given time, people have their own issues, challenges, trials and temptations

And everyone reacts to the above differently based on orientation, training and beliefs

While one is carefree about his issues, another gets depressed by them

How then do you expect one who is depressed by his own issues

To give be your source of happiness?

This is so unrealistic!

It doesn’t matter if the person is the love of your life

Your family, acquaintance, colleague, friend or foe

Everyone have their down times

Therefore, if you depend on others to make you happy

You will spend most of your life being unhappy

Cos human beings are wired to be inconsistent

The key to being happy always is to look within

Irrespective of what's happening around you

If you can find peace within your soul

Then you can gladly sing "It is well with my soul"

Everything in life is all about perspective

What you focus on, brood over and

allow to dominate your thought affects your emotion

where one sees job loss as the end of the world

another sees it as an opportunity to explore new grounds

a dear friend lost her bank job, today she is involved in a venture

which will definitely grow to make her an employer of labor

in fact, I have never seen her being so passionate and determined

like she is about this venture and I am so proud of her

Life throws you challenges and trials

Some by design, others due to erroneous choices

But within whatever challenge you are faced with

Lies the seed for your greatness and uplifting

Its all dependent on your view, mindset and belief

No doctor will tell you that you are of sound health when you visit the hospital

No pastor, imam or herbalist will tell you that no one is after you

But if you have the right perspective and attitude to life

Your altitude becomes limitless

Whatever the situation your are faced with

Did your friends betray you, 

see it as an opportunity to know their true self

Thereby, saving you from future hurt

Did your spouse fail you, it brings to your realization the infallibility of man

Did your family abandon you, sometimes even 

the viscosity of blood is less than that of water

Does all men fail you, 

its an opportunity for you to trust God completely

Your issues might seem so overwhelming but

Believe me, 

there is someone who wish they were in your shoes

Even if life has beaten you to the ground

Get up, dust yourself and forge ahead and

No matter the situation you are faced with

Your life will be better it you choose to

Always be Happy……

Before you pop that question

When you go marry?
Is a question you will always encounter at a certain age
pressure sets in and one goes wife-hunting
Truth be told even the hunter get hunted sometimes
No matter your idea on the searching and finding theory
Like in a computer game we played back then where you select your weapon before the fight
If you select a wrong weapon, you are doomed!
It is true that behind every successful man is a woman but in same vein
Behind every doomed man is one or more women
Therefore before you pop the question search and discover the following

What do you really want in a woman?
This is the starting point cos any project without a clearcut objective is bound to fail
Have a clear cut vision and run with it

Whats your point of attraction?
If you are attracted to her cos of her looks
What happens when it fades
If your attraction is her flawless skin and flat tommy
Wait till she carries a baby
Then you live with the pouch and stretchmarks

Are you positioned to get the kind of woman you desire?
Every project have its requirements
Examining this carefully will help greatly
A lady might date you for trips but just like you
She has her own set criteria for an ideal husband
So positioning matters

How prepared are you?
Finding is one aspect of the project
Keeping her is where the real work is
What is your income?
"Love dont cost a thing" is a lie from hell
You need funds to service love
No matter how many poems you compose and pants you wash
If you do not buy her gifts at certain occasions
Your love is questionable
No matter how well you pretend to care, when the chips are down your true self is revealed
Learn to build your profile, cultivate a habit, shun pretense and packaging
It is easier to live real than to pretend
If you want a caring wife, learn to be caring
If you want a faithful partner, discipline yourself
Marriage is a union
You cannot unite with different mindset and characteristics
Understand that a union is about give and take
Both parties contributing for a united purpose

Who is your partner?
Its true that you cannot fully know your spouse
But you should be able to define her 
Know this
It is close to impossible to stop your partner from a character or habit after wedding
In fact, whatever she displays before, be ready to get it in quantum after the wedding
So define what aspect of her habits you can live with and those you cant manage
This will prevent the excuse of irreconcilable differences

Are you a Man?
Being a man isn't about the size of your chest or the length of your beard
Being a man doesn't even have nothing to do with your genitals
A man is a protector, a provider, independent and responsible (have the ability to respond to situations)
If you are not any of the above, forget it
Being a man also involves having a great level of emotional stability
I kid you not
Your emotions will be tried beyond whatever breaking point you think you currently have
Therefore, you need to have an uncommon emotional strength
Else, you will become an abusive husband

If you answered the above noted points in the positive
Go ahead and pop the question
If not, take a while and build yourself
Marriage isn't for the ill-prepared
In fact no matter how prepared you think you are
You will constantly be tested, tried, re-tried and tempted
In a nutshell, get your acts together

Before you pop that question.... Else disappointment awaits..

After the wedding

Make no mistake about this Family is everything,

watching a generation emerge and groomed is a blessing

All these cant happen legitimately without you saying "i do".

Do you know that, like an apprentice,

you are being prepared, all your life ,

for the moment you will be responsible for a family,

the happiness of a people - your parents, in laws, wife,

children and community?

But this reality become tangible

at the point you find that one person you cannot live without

You deploy your wealth of acquired skills

In wooing her and convincing her parents that you are well groomed

Every training and skill you have acquired come to interplay

Then every resources is deployed

to make the wedding ceremony a success

but after the euphoria of the wedding comes the marriage

While you see her beauty, swag and poise

before and during the wedding

You get to see her untidy and unkempt early morning looks afterwards

Believe me that guy u see as so fresh and clean

may have a room of sweaty, smelly clothes

The soft-spoken, angelic and obedient girl you dated

 can become forceful, domineering and uncooperative

And like a well packaged gift, you get to experience

the true nature of your spouse after the packaging has been unwrapped.

That becomes "your moment of truth"

All the statement of "i love u die" "i cant live without u"

get tried by the fire of quarrels, strife, disagreements and opposition

not leaving behind negative interference and bad advise.

This is the point where the chaff of emotions and

sentiment get filtered and the true value and

belief you place on your union get unraveled

"if you fail in the day of adversity, your strength is small"

Anyone who tells you that his/her wedding dint go through

this phase definition, refinement and redefinition

is the father of all liars

if you could go out of your way to make your wedding a reality,

why can't you give your all to make your marriage work?

My father once said "You see your mother as a saint

cos you are not privy to her shortcomings

If I tell you half of what I have to go through on a daily basis and

she says hers too, you will probably not get married"

P.S: They have been happily married for over 45Years

Marriage is a calling

Parenting is a full-time profession

To live in peace with another you must let go of yourself

To raise a happy family you have to constantly work at it

To be a provider you have to give "all of yourself" and more

To be a successful parent you need to understand that

you are not just training a child but indoctrinating a generation

If you aint ready to do all of the above, and more, marriage aint for you

Cos really after the euphoria of wedding ceremony comes, the task of marriage

When Love becomes Obsession

I have always believed that there should be a balance between love, real love, true love whatever love it is you believe in and infatuations, obsession and possession.

Recent events made me to research what is normal and what is not and the findings was mind boggling to me. Hence, my desire to share this

It is amazing to discover that what we term as pointers to true love, care and affection is actually, in most cases, Obsessive Love Disorder

What is Obsessive Love Disorder?

Obsessive Love Disorder is "an extreme form of Love that transcends into obsession overtime. It is characterized by an unhealthy attachment towards someone and is usually triggered by factors such as anxiety, insecurity and vulnerability” -  medicinenet.

It is a state in which one feels an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess another person towards whom the feel a strong attraction, with an inability to accept failure or rejection" - Wikipedia.

How does this happen?

The initial phase of relationship comes with an overwhelming and instant attraction which slowly moves on to become a tender, loving and beautiful relationship based on companionship and trust but soon, these feelings of love, if unchecked, matures into an intense maniac desire to possess which overrides the trust and companionship a couple once shared leading to obsessive love disorder.

Obsessive Love Disorder has been recognized as a serious mental disorder hence the prescription of treatment by psychotherapist .

Obsessive Love Disorder has its foundation in the insatiable desire of wanting to possess the target of one's obsession. The emotion experienced when in love i.e mutual respect, trust and security paves way and jealousy, insecurity and resentment takes over.

No matter how deep your loves claim is, if mutual respect, trust and security has been replaced by jealousy, insecurity and resentment, your love has become an obsession.

What Causes Obsessive Love Disorder?

• Low Self Esteem: The belief that you need the next person to complete you 
• Ego: Having an inflated sense of self, a feeling of being special or different such that you expect to be an authority. Therefore, thoughts of losing the partner breeds the desire to possess and control the other in other words putting your partner under check and leash.

 Signs of Obsessive Love Disorder

1. Neurotic and compulsive behavior e.g Rapid and repeated phone calls to lovers place of residence or work.
2. Stalking: This can be physically or through the various existing Social Media in order to keep tabs on them
3. Unwarranted suspicion of every move, resentment for relationship with others and violence.
4.  Anger, rage and desire to seek revenge.

Let's try to break the above points down

You have Obsessive Love Disorder if:

• You get jealous of your partner spending time with other people, when they could be spending time with you.
• You feel compelled to know exactly where they are and who they are with anytime you are not together.
• You are incapable of being happy or living a functional life whenever your lover is not around.
• You have ever accused your partner of infidelity even when the evidence suggests otherwise because of your own insecurity.
• You live in constant fear of losing your relationship.

Solution to Obsessive Love Disorder

It is an established fact that people with Obsessive Love Disorder are living in illusion believing that

1. The one you love must think about you always.
2. The one you love must devote all his time to you.
3. Your love should be enough to quell the effect of all the day-to-day challenges your partner encounters.
4. You should be the topmost of his priority always, nothing else should matter.
5.  If they lose the partner, then their world is over!

Therefore, the first step is to wake up from such illusive state and face reality! Separate illusion from reality

• Your spouse should want to be with you 24/7 (Illusion) but He need to have a functional life, e.g Job, Commitments, responsibilities etc, which might take him away from you for longer than you expect. (Reality)
• Understand that you love a person because of who you are. Being in love is a choice not some sort of salvation or an escape route from developing yourself into maturity and making a meaning out of your life.
• Realize that obsession can close your opportunities. No matter how loving your partner is, your obsessive behavior and desire to possess will only succeed in pushing them farther away from you.
• Remember that timing is everything and everyone is different. Your lover has priorities which might be different from yours. Becoming obsessed and hoping like crazy that your mere existence is enough to change these priorities reveals a lack of understanding and suggests that you are in need of a reality check! People who change plans because someone is making them to end up resenting that person. It may not show up immediately but will surface eventually. So many relationships failed because someone woke up one morning and felt he has been manipulated all along.
• Relax your mind. if you think this is the right person for you, remind yourself that they may not be in the same stage of relationship as you so relax and be yourself. That’s the only way they can understand how to love you.

 Overcoming Obsessive Love Disorder

1. Admit your obsession: This is most difficult step as we have been made to believe traits of obsession to be  evidence of "true love".
2. Love yourself first and foremost. It is said that no one can love you like you. Therefore Love yourself that is the only way you can truly love another.
3. Develop yourself: Dedicate yourself to goals and activities that match who you are. Your relationship is just one passion not a complete replacement for the range of joys life bring.
4. Maintain a healthy social circle and support group. If you have a partner who demand you cut off from every relationship and focus only on them, be wary. That is a sign of a controlling person who may manipulate you into obsession.
5. Enjoy every moment of your relationship. Love is not meant to be a burden, Love and enjoy being in love even if it is only for a moment after all, nothing in life lasts forever.Obsession squeezes fun out of a relationship and turns everything into hard work. Causing you to worry about every word and action. Having a feeling of uncontrollable jealousy about everything and anyone that removes your partner from you, even his job.
6. Improve on what you are missing inside. Work on your self esteem. Be confident and understand that no man have a total control over his future. It is foolishness to spend today living in the fear of tomorrow.
7. Deal with that void in your heart that makes you feel lonely.
8. Learn to connect with people outside of a romantic relationship.
9. Build your self-worth. Never expect to catch self worth from your partner. Self worth and high self esteem are neither contagious nor transmitted you have got to build it from the inside.

Friends Understand this:

You need only YOU to be truly happy

The more you care for and love yourself, the more attractive you are

Time spent worrying about anything is a waste of energy

Life is Fun don’t live like a donkey. You are not created to be a beast of Burden

There is a thin line between Care, Affection Love and Obsession Therefore, it is wisdom to Always put your feelings in Check! even the truest form of Love become abusive/Violent….

When Love becomes Obsession

References

• ·         Susan Forward; Craig Buck (1 January 2002). Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go. Bantam Books. ISBN 978-0-553-38142-9.
• ·         Voo, Jocelyn (2007-10-16). "Love addiction -- how to break it". CNN. Retrieved 2015-12-15.
• ·         Vijayakar, R.M. (2015-12-14). "Priya Banerjee to Reprise Juhi Chawla’s Role in Karanvir Vohra’s ‘Darr’ Remake". India West. Retrieved 2015-12-15.
• ·         Birchall, Guy (2015-12-14). "Lisa Snowden's stalker sectioned after bombarding the star with nearly 1000 text messages". thesun.co.uk. Retrieved 2015-12-15.
• ·         Michael Coveney (2 April 2009). "'The Phantom of the Opera': Ghosts of a love affair". The Independent. Retrieved 2015-12-15.
• ·         Peabody, Susan (1995) [1989]. Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships
• ·         Belton, M., and E. Bailey. The Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love. New York City: The Penguin Group, 2011.
• ·         Bogerts, B. "Delusional jealousy and obsessive love -- causes and forms." MMW Fortschr Med 147.6 Feb. 2005: 26-29.
• ·         Kennedy, N., M. McDonough, B. Kelly, and G.E. Berrios. "Erotomania revisited: clinical course and treatment." Comprehensive Psychiatry 43.1 (2002): 1-6.
• ·         Manjunatha, N., D. Kumar, and H.S. Nizamie. "Repetitive love proposing: A case report and review of phenomenology of impulsivity and compulsivity." Indian Journal of Psychiatry 49.4 Oct.-Dec. 2007: 267–270.
• ·         Purcell, R., M. Path, and P.E. Mullen. "A study of women who stalk." The American Journal of Psychiatry 158.12 (2001).